Dear dream,
Call me deceived for desiring inner tranquility based on geography, job, title, hobbies, leisure… you get the point.
Every time I’ve picked up and moved closer TO you, I’m running FROM something (someone) as well. The main source of what I run away from always find it’s way to the car. In fact, he takes the most comfortable seat. He makes me pull over and buy him snacks at the gas station, yells at my kids, and even runs through the wrong side of the toll booth without paying when I let him drive.
Come to think of it, he’s been at every birthday, vacation, church service, doctor’s visit, college, my wedding, etc.
I’ve wanted a clean break from him but the moment I start to run he paces with me stride for stride. Anywhere I go he’s my constant companion.
Truthfully, he is me – wounded but walking. He received a mortal wounding on November 21, 1991 but he heals quickly. For years I nursed him back to health without a thought. He has made me careworn at times due to his unrelenting neediness.
Although I must say that he has fashioned a nicely sized tunnel for times of escape when I’m involved in something he has no interest in – as if he needed permission to leave.
It has served a dual purpose in dispensing a bigger payload of God’s grace to others if positioned toward heaven as opposed to being used for for less than noble purposes. He sleeps in frequently and won’t know when I’m using it so what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. I don’t care anyway.
The next time I want to run to any virtue previously listed, please remind me that he’s on to me, and there’s no complete escape from him being that he is my greatest contender. The only chance I have at temporarily starving him out is living in the immediate presence of God. If I stay there long enough he loses heart and grows weary. If I don’t, he finds his way back to green pastures with every other freeloading spirit to feed off of the weeds of power, preeminence, and pleasure. Maybe someday I’ll be successful at ditching him for good.
Until then, stay ambiguous and unrealistic as always.
From a distance,
Me
Tim Holman, Writer 