Writing exercise #6 – Satire: Rehoming Boa Constrictor

Rehoming 3 year old Red Tail Boa to good home. 

What started out as a present for a blind date turned into 3 years of marriage until last week. It got a little weird when she wouldn’t let me bring him to bed with us anymore. If I had a nickel for every time I heard the old “If he sheds his skin one more time on my neck brace than I’m moving back in with Dale” speech, than I could have renewed the tags on the Blazer by now.  

Tupock has a 12 by 6 foot Jango Reptilian Suite enclosure, because you either go big or go home people! Hey, it is what it is..ok.. we did start and stop breeding large rats, which was equally as hard on Brandy’s and my relationship, but she has agreed to give me the Hairless Greys while she keeps the Amazon Fruities. Enclosure and rats included.

He takes a bottle three times a day and has his rabid tags until September. Don’t be like the guy that left me stranded at the Topeka QT on Reagan and Sweitzer yesterday. tdawg87@gdank.com is a royal d-bag and should be avoided, flagged, dipped in Sweet Baby Ray’s, and fed to wild boar.  

I don’t get email as fast because of Brandy taking the modem, so text is best. My loss is your gain brochachos. There is a small rehoming fee so don’t even think about asking to trade for fireworks or a PS4. I will consider Luke Bryan tickets + cash or Motocross. Peace!