How to Sell a Boa Constrictor on Craigslist

Disclaimer: this was a creative writing excercise I did a while back. I do not have a boa constrictor for sale, but I did post this on Craigslist for a day just to see if anyone would respond. I got around 10 emails with interested people.

What started out as a present for a tinder date turned into 3 years of living together until last week. It got a little “weird” when she wouldn’t let me bring him to bed with us anymore.

If I had a dollar for every time I heard the old, “If he sheds his skin one more time on my neck brace, I’m leaving you…” speech, then I could have renewed the tags on the Blazer by now.  

Tupac has a 12x6 ft. Jango Reptilian Suite enclosure, because you either go big or go home people! Hey, it is what it is..ok..

we started breeding large rats (Hairless Grey and Speckled Fruitie).

Enclosure and rats included.

Don’t be like the guy that left me stranded at the Topeka QT on Reagan and Sweitzer yesterday. has no intention of buying anything from you. Probably a bot if not a real pos.

I don’t get messages as fast because she took the good sim out of my ZTE smart phone and Boost Mobile won’t replace it. Juno email is best.

My loss is your gain brochachos. There is a rehoming fee. Will trade for lift kit, fireworks (keep your whisker biscuit / scooter sticker garbage), PS5, Luke Bryan tickets, cash or guns.


5 thoughts on “How to Sell a Boa Constrictor on Craigslist

  1. I once took a pic of an albino boa at a plant nursery of all places, beside some other uncomfortably enormous snake and posted it to IG with an intricate story of how it was sold but never was collected and how grateful I was actually because could you imagine the level of lack of concern and how the snake was better off licking its stitches in that small enclosure. Sounded like a reptilian boss defender. End of the day I had the whole reptile community following me

    Liked by 2 people

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