How to Sell a Boa Constrictor on Craigslist

Disclaimer: this was a creative writing excercise I did a while back. I do not have a boa constrictor for sale but I did post this on Craigslist for a day just to see if anyone would respond and got about 10 emails with interested people.

What started out as a present for a blind date turned into 3 years of marriage until last week. It got a little weird when she wouldn’t let me bring him to bed with us anymore. If I had a nickel for every time I heard the old “If he sheds his skin one more time on my neck brace, than I’m moving back in with Dave” speech, than I could have renewed the tags on the Blazer by now.  

Tupac has a 12x6 ft. Jango Reptilian Suite enclosure, because you either go big or go home people! Hey, it is what it is..ok.. we did start and stop breeding large rats, which was equally as hard on Brandy’s and my relationship, but she has agreed to give me the Hairless Greys while she keeps the Amazon Fruities.

Enclosure and rats included.

He takes a bottle three times a day and has his rabid tags until September. Don’t be like the guy that left me stranded at the Topeka QT on Reagan and Sweitzer yesterday. has no intention of buying anything from you. I don’t even think he’s a real person if you ask me.

I don’t get email as fast because of Brandy taking the modem, so text is best. My loss is your gain brochachos. There is a small rehoming fee so don’t even think about asking to trade for fireworks or a PS4. I will consider Luke Bryan tickets + cash or Motocross... Peace!


4 thoughts on “How to Sell a Boa Constrictor on Craigslist

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  1. I once took a pic of an albino boa at a plant nursery of all places, beside some other uncomfortably enormous snake and posted it to IG with an intricate story of how it was sold but never was collected and how grateful I was actually because could you imagine the level of lack of concern and how the snake was better off licking its stitches in that small enclosure. Sounded like a reptilian boss defender. End of the day I had the whole reptile community following me

    Liked by 2 people

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