Nothing is the same…

…as it was 1 year ago. Really, not even a year yet.

I lost my job for some key breakdowns in wisdom due to complications of mental health (poor diagnosis, wrong medication).

Unfortunately, my marriage suffered wounds beyond the breaking point as well.

I’ve held multiple jobs since August 26, 2021 but nothing has held. Recently just lost yet another ministry job. 5 in a row. I’m done.

The sad departures are little as much as they are big.

  • I don’t collect or write with fancy pens anymore. The ones I used broke and I can’t afford to fix them.
  • I’m a full time Uber driver… again. It is only at best a side hustle but here I am again. Still grateful for work though. Thank you, Lord.
  • I don’t make coffee for myself like I used to.
  • I don’t have a family to celebrate with or go to church with.
  • I don’t have a hand to hold in the nursery hauling around a heavy plant, breakfast to share with a loved one, holidays to plan, etc.
  • My identity as a husband, pastor, family man, pen enthusiast, letter writer and coffee maker is gone.
  • My love for God is challenged by constant departure and manic spiritual episodes.
  • I miss so much, namely myself. Who is this new guy?

There has to be a happy ending somewhere but I don’t see it. I will trust in God. He has always been faithful even when I am not.

I don’t think I’m writing this with anyone else in mind but don’t let good things go to waste when life gets lifey.

4 thoughts on “Nothing is the same…

  1. I’m praying for you as well. Some of the most beautiful pieces of art are created from shattered fragments of glass and God is doing the same with you. Things are messy now, but you are His masterpiece and He will bring good out of this.

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  2. Never feel alone, not only because as you point out, God IS there. However, there are probably millions around the world who feel the exact same as you do right now. No quality of life. You surely can find an A) far better psych and therapist to help you get on the right medications, B) another pastoral job if that’s the field you wish to pursue and C) someone new in your life who will support you and understand you. If our spouses or family can’t do that last thing, they’re only going to end up hurting us and then probably leaving to make it worse. Don’t lose your faith nor your hope! The Light is there if you believe it is and keep working on you to help yourself. Because God does help those who help themselves. Best wishes for a great outcome!

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